Systematic Chaos – Repentance

Repentance

[Music: Dream Theater / Lyrics: Mike Portnoy]

[VIII Regret]
Hello, mirror, so glad to see you my friend
It’s been a while…

Staring at the empty page before me
All the years of wreckage running through my head
Patterns of my life I thought adorned me
Revealing hurtful shame and deep lament

Overwhelming sorrow now absorbs me
As the pen begins to trace my darkest past
Signs throughout my life
that should have warned me
Of all the wrongs I’ve done for which I must repent

I once thought it better to regret
Things that I have done than haven’t
Sometimes you’ve got to be wrong
And learn the hard way
And sometimes you’ve got to be strong
When you think it’s too late

Staring at the finished page before me
All the damage now so clear and evident
Thinking about the dreaded task in store for me
A pit of fear at the thought of my amends

Hoping that this step will help restore me
To face my past and ask for forgiveness
Cleaning up my dirty side of this unswept street
Could this be the beginning of the end?

I once thought it better to regret
Things that I have done than haven’t
Sometimes you’ve got to be wrong
And learn the hard way
And just when you’re through hanging on
You’re saved

[IX Restitution]

“Until that moment, I’d never felt like I’d failed at anything…And I felt like I failed her…And I failed myself, and I failed my children…It’s still really hard to deal with.”

“I want to thank you for helping me to see my own selfishness and to tell you how regretful I am it has hurt you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t visit you in the hospital, Grandpa when you were on your deathbed. I’m sorry I didn’t come to your funeral…I don’t know if I was selfish or just too scared to face it. It’s one of the biggest regrets of my life.”

“I’m here to confess with you that what I did, was wrong… And I’m asking for your forgiveness…”

“The only unforgivable thing hauls itself out of bed, looks over my shoulder at the bloody English weather…”

“I really regret not being able to see my friend Andy…”

“One of my best friends who’s the godfather of my daughter, he asked me to sing or play something at his wedding, and I turned it down because I was busy and too much of a chicken shit to do it…And I feel sorry for that, because it was a very very close friend of mine…”

“So, I wanted to apologize to anyone that I’ve upset or offended.. they’re just words, it’s just an opinion, but unfortunately, I tend to express it as a fact, and that’s kind of arrogant. Isn’t it?”

“I think it’s the betrayal…it still haunts me.”

“I’m sorry for what I did back then… I was a different person. I really was and I’m so sorry. I wish it wouldn’t have happened, but it did, and I’m sorry. Forgive me. I’m sorry…”

“I guess I’m simply sorry for being me and not you. I so often wish you could be here with me to show me the way…”

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

“You’re only as sick as your secrets, but the truth shall set you free…”

“The truth is the truth and the only thing you can do is to live with it.”